During the past few months life has really been weighing on me. Some may call it a mid life crisis, a search for the ‘Meaning of Life’ or any number of other cliches but I felt strongly enough about it to put it in print.
For most of my adult life I’ve been searching for a sense of purpose. What am I here for? What path does my ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ take? I used to think it was, at least a little bit, tied to money. I’m really not sure since I never seem to have enough of it. I took two years off after high school to travel and have fun. After this I attended college during which time I lost a lot of sleep and took advantage of the youthful debauchery associated with that. I’ve done rah-rah network marketing, insurance & investment brokering, retail sales, futures trading and have sold cemetery plots. Some grad school in between there somewhere. I’ve suffered through back breaking foundry work, mindless office jobs, restaurant work, technical support and chased down stolen rental cars. I have invested heavily in self improvement and awareness, taken the Landmark Forum and attended dozens of churches. Answers? Mmmm no.
In the past I’ve gained & lost dozens of pounds at a shot in a matter of days. I took Hydroxycut to the point of hallucinating. I’ve worked out strenuously for weeks (not lately hahaha) and languished on the couch for months. I went through a running renaissance that led to a ten miler with very little training. I miraculously walked away from a high speed car crash that nobody should have survived. Does any of this mean anything? I dunno.
I’m now here on the horizon of my 45th year and by now you think there would be some kind of direction. Well I’m sad to say, not really.
I’m a bit wiser now and not as high strung as I was in my youth but I continue to feel a fire inside of me that begs for an outlet. I have an persistent feeling that I’m capable of greatness but I need an arena for that. Right now I’m pursuing a Paleo eating lifestyle and changing things incrementally in my life, hopefully for the better. But knowing my history, I’m wondering how long it will be until I get bored and move on to the next big thing. Normally one and a half to two years is my threshold but we will see.
Anyway, I’m done ranting. No I’m not giving up wine, even though it’s not part of my new diet. Since I’ve been a student of this fascinating culture, I’m finding there may be a few answers there. I’ll let you know if I come up with anything.
Thanks to all of you great individuals for stopping by and reading. I hope that 2012 brings you all happiness and for me .. a little peace.
Publisher, Uncorked Remarks